Typical Day in my Non-Typical Life

By Roberta Sarver

 

Dear Journal,

 

I knew things were going to get weird when we came back from Christmas vacation.

 

Monday morning the phone rang several times with Mennonite families needing drivers to take them to town. I could have had three or four additional driving jobs. And it was foggy.

 

Dropped off a frisky, smelly dog of ours in town for grooming, then had just enough time to drive to a remote location to pick up my riders. Got lost, had to stop and ask for directions.

 

Drove a nice family to the clinic. Car battery ran down because I forgot to turn off the headlights.

 

Called AAA. Cellphone dying fast. Meanwhile, found someone with jumper cables.  Called AAA again and told them to cancel the truck. Took the young family home.

 

Came home, read the mail.

 

Went back to town, picked up the dog. Because he was now short-haired, had to keep him in the house until his new owner came. He’s never been house trained. What was I thinking?!

 

Steps at home were slick when I arrived, and I had a nice, clean dog that I wanted to keep clean. Slid and did the splits with the dog in my arms, just outside the door. Mary Lou Retton would have been proud of my gymnastics. But I think I broke my toe.

 

Tried barricading the dog in the kitchen overnight. He jumped over/pushed aside everything I tried to pile in the doorway. Finally gave up and let little Houdini roam the house while I went to bed, too tired to fight anymore.

 

Stupid idea. During the night, Houdini chewed up my expensive new eyeglasses. And his new owner decided she didn’t want him.

 

Houdini has committed several indiscretions on our living room carpet. He’s also chewed assorted items.

 

It’s been less than 24 hours and the counter top is full of dirty dishes.

 

I think I’ll go to bed and cover my head. I wonder if I could pay somebody to take this dog off my hands.

Roberta Sarver is an author and songwriter who lives in central Missouri. Her humor columns appear in the Versailles Leader-Statesman and her original songs of worship have appeared on radio stations across the nation. She and her husband are the parents of seven children.

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