Dumb Things Your Mom May Have Said

It takes a strong person to survive motherhood.  Just ask any woman who has lived to tell about it.  And if you doubt that statement, try juggling flaming chainsaws, because that’s the skill level a mom needs to do the many things on her job description.

And so, it is with admiration that we pay tribute to that tribe of women who risked their lives to bear children—and risked them further, to raise the little munchkins.

Consider the fact that your mom probably had to stir a pot of boiling food on the stove while answering the phone, while holding a fussy baby who just threw up on her, after she just retrieved a kitten which Junior tried to flush down the toilet.  We can forgive the few times her brain was on overload while making the following statements:

  • “If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don’t come running to me!”
  • “I hope you have children like yourself someday!” (Said after Junior puts a cat on the blades of the ceiling fan.)
  • “Don’t forget to wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.” (Mom’s rationale: It would be humiliating to awaken in the emergency room only to find the nurse snickering at your ratty undies.)
  • “Quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” (After you just received a spanking.)
  • “You do that again and I’ll give you a spanking.” (Said while Mom is on the sofa, recuperating with two broken legs and one arm in a sling.)
  • “Don’t you want to kiss Great-Aunt Myrtle goodbye?” (When she knows your great aunt gives slobbery kisses on your mouth.)
  • “Stay out of my closet. Your Christmas presents are in there.” (Guaranteed to invite snooping.)

My mother raised five ornery children (make that three; I wasn’t as bad as my brothers and one of my sisters).  She’s a survivor.  Happy Mother’s Day to the rest of you noble women who put your lives on the line to raise the next generation.

Roberta Sarver is an author and songwriter who lives in central Missouri. Her humor columns appear in the Versailles Leader-Statesman and her original songs of worship have appeared on radio stations across the nation. She and her husband are the parents of seven children.

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