By Vicki A. Brady
Recently, during a family gathering, wives openly discussed plans for Father’s Day and how to make it special for the “fathers” in the family. As they threw out ideas like a day at the zoo, shopping for new clothes, and a backyard BBQ, the men groaned. So the wives decided to ask the men what their perfect Father’s Day looked like. Their answers were revealing and helpful, so I thought I would pass them on. Remember, I’m just the messenger!
Sleep! Fathers want sleep. They want to sleep in, get up long enough to throw something down their throats, and then pass out on the couch for a nap. After lunch, they want to head outside and fall into the hammock for a third nap, waking only to the call of nature and the smell of a steak on the grill.
Fathers want to spend time with their children and grandchildren, but there are conditions. They believe that Father’s Day should be a Diaper Duty Free Day. They are willing to wipe bottoms 364 days a year, but on this one day, Father’s Day, they get a pass. They also want it to be a nose-free zone. Kids with runny noses must go to mom on Father’s Day.
Backyard BBQs are fine, but not on Father’s Day. For Father’s Day, men want to be in an air conditioned environment. And sometimes wives do not understand what fathers have to do to get ready for a BBQ. It involves mowing, weed-eating, watering, fertilizing, bug spray, refilling propane tanks, and scraping a year’s worth of previous BBQs off the grill. If they are able to sit inside, in the AIR CONDITIONING, with a six-foot spatula poking out the sliding glass door, able to flip a steak, then they will consider a BBQ.
Typically, Father’s Day falls on the hottest day of the year so they reject ties in favor of Hawaiian shirts. Usually made of 100% cotton, these shirts do not have to be tucked in, they flow in a breeze, and the loud colors disguise food spills or the fact that they make great napkins when they eat their steak.
Did I mention steak? Fathers want steak on Father’s Day. Hamburgers, hot dogs, and bean burgers are fine 364 days a year, but on Father’s Day, they want a T-Bone, one-inch thick, lightly salted, with garlic, and BBQ sauce on the side.
On Father’s Day, men should not be required to discuss their feelings or the benefit of more fiber in their diet. They want to talk about cars, guns, fencing material, the price of gas, who the last person was that borrowed their socket wrenches, and the high cost of dog food.
All remotes to music, television, and movies should remain in the possession of dad on Father’s Day. Knowing that they have that kind of power that day will cause them to walk a little taller. They may choose to turn on a Disney cartoon and be completely satisfied knowing that it was their choice.
Father’s Day is only one day out of the year, but it is a badge of honor, making the other 364 days of going to work every morning, bringing home a paycheck, changing the oil in the car, pulling ticks off the dog, replacing a broken window, driving the family to church, and even changing a poopy diaper, worth every minute.
Happy Father’s Day!